


After Qui-Gon's Death

by Sulis57



Series: Tumblr Prompts [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jedi, Jedi Code, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Nightmares, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Obi-Wan Needs a Hug, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Poor Obi-Wan, Protective Obi-Wan, Tumblr Prompt, Young Anakin, Young Anakin Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 17:12:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12845736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sulis57/pseuds/Sulis57
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi is in a state of grief. Watching Qui-Gon die was extremely traumatic and he's considering leaving the Jedi Order.He had dragged Qui-Gon’s body into his arms and sobbed, for longer than he thought possible. Nearly an hour passed before he could bring himself to lift his master onto his shoulders and carry him out into the sunlight...Kenobi roughly wiped away the tears streaming down his cheeks. Grief was unbecoming of a Jedi. He should not cry, should not feel such pain.





	After Qui-Gon's Death

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a writing prompt someone sent me in a message on [Tumblr](https://mostthingskenobi.tumblr.com/). I don't normally take requests but I recently experienced a personal trauma that has made it nearly impossible to write. I am slowly working my way back into it and I used this prompt as a little writing exercise. I really can't account for its quality.
> 
> Here's the original prompt:
> 
> _Hey, I was thinking, if you have time, can u write a short sweet ficlet of Obi-wan thinking about leaving the Jedi Order but he now has to train little Anakin (right after the Naboo celebration at end of Episode I the Phantom Menace). He gets a message from Satine, coming to Coruscant for a visit with Padame, and Obi-wan sneaks out of his apartment he shares with little Anakin for the night once he puts him to bed, and sneaks off for a night in Satine's private guest bedroom._
> 
> I took some liberties with the idea. I am in no condition to write any fluff whatsoever, so I don't know if you can call this piece _sweet_ but I did my best to be faithful to the characters. I don't think watching Qui-Gon die would have Kenobi in a mood for sexy-time with Satine, but he definitely would have needed comfort... but at this time Satine probably wouldn't have wanted anything to do with Obi-Wan...
> 
> OK, enough of my rambling.
> 
> Commence ficlet!

**Theed, Naboo**

Obi-Wan was invisible in the darkness as he made his way carefully toward the palace. The moons were low on the horizon and no one was awake save for a few easily avoided sentries.

He would leave. He would ask Satine to forgive him, beg her to take him in, take him back. Surely she could make room in her heart for Anakin as well…

Anakin.

How had this happened? He thought his master loved him, thought that they had an understanding, but this little boy from Tatooine appeared out of nowhere and took Obi-Wan’s place at Qui-Gon’s side.

_He did not love me. Jedi do not love. Qui-Gon was a devoted Jedi, one of the finest. He let me go as a true Jedi should have, forbearing all attachment._

The thought made Kenobi’s heart ache even more. How could he go on? How could he bear the constant reminders of his master, the oppressive sadness that crushed his heart? How could he remain in the Order?

_I promised him._

Kenobi stopped in his tracks, his grief manifesting as physical pain. He leaned against a stone wall, tucked deep in the shadows, as memories suddenly overwhelmed him.

Qui-Gon had reached out and touched his face, begged him to train Anakin. Of course Obi-Wan had agreed. He would have done anything for his master. He had dragged Qui-Gon’s body into his arms and sobbed, for longer than he thought possible. Nearly an hour passed before he could bring himself to lift his master onto his shoulders and carry him out into the sunlight.

Kenobi roughly wiped away the tears streaming down his cheeks. Grief was unbecoming of a Jedi. He should not cry, should not feel such pain. He took a deep breath and continued walking, skirting the palace perimeter until he found the correct balcony.

If she truly was here, she might be the only person capable of comforting him. He had overheard Padme speaking to her maidens about preparing for the Mandalorian Regent. The Duchess was coming to pay her respects to the slain Jedi master who had protected her so faithfully. If Satine were here, Obi-Wan would find her.

The Force guided him to a large, sandy-colored balcony a few meters above the terraced garden. He effortlessly leapt onto the balustrade and crept to the open door. He could feel her presence before he even saw her.

Satine turned and saw a cloaked figure framed against the night sky. She did not scream. She knew who it was even before the young man slowly stepped into the light. He was as handsome as ever, but his beautiful eyes were red and miserable, and his lips were swollen from crying.

“Obi-Wan,” she whispered.

At the sound of his own name he stumbled forward and collapsed into her arms. They sank to the floor, his strength totally giving out. Satine wrapped herself around him, pulling him tightly against her. “It’s alright, Obi,” she whispered, stroking his hair. “You’re safe now.”

“I couldn’t save him,” he sobbed. “I failed.”

“There was nothing you could do, my dear,” she soothed. “You did not _fail_ , you simply could not stop the will of the Force.”

“I don’t know what to do, Satine.”

“Come home with me. Leave the Order and bring Anakin to Mandalore.”

Obi-Wan suddenly calmed and looked up into her eyes. How had she known exactly what he wanted?

“I’ve loved you always,” she said, running her fingertips along his brow. “I always will…”

…Obi-Wan’s eyes wrenched open as a sob escaped his throat. He was drenched in sweat and trembling from head to toe. He pushed up and threw his legs over the side of his bed, leaning forward over his knees as he fought to catch his breath.

The dream had felt so real; Satine’s hand on his skin, her breath against his neck, her kind words. He had not thought of her for years, at least he had tried not to, but she was one of the few people in the galaxy that would understand his suffering, understand how painful it was to lose Qui-Gon.

Did she even know Qui-Gon was dead? Should he be the one to tell her? Would she even want to look at him much less hear from him? They had not parted well, and though deep down he knew he loved her, he had wounded her terribly, so much so that she may never forgive him.

Obi-Wan ran a hand over his face and looked around the plain, dark sleeping quarters. Anakin lay on small cot a few feet away. The boy was sprawled across his bed, twisted up in the sheets, clutching a stuffed tooka doll to his chest. His head was pressed into the mattress while he gently snored. Obi-Wan smiled in spite of himself.

_Very cute._

He could not bring himself to blame the boy. Anakin hadn’t done anything wrong. In truth, he was sweet and enthusiastic, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help but rather like Anakin Skywalker.

The Jedi Council was meeting in the morning to discuss the boy’s fate. Whatever their decision, Obi-Wan knew one thing – he could never abandon Anakin. If they decided Skywalker was not to be a Jedi, Obi-Wan knew he would have to leave the Order. He had promised Qui-Gon he would train the boy, and he would keep his promise no matter what.

If he left the Order, perhaps he would take Anakin to Mandalore. Was that what his dream was trying to tell him? He wasn’t sure if he was simply seeing what he wanted to see or if he was dreaming his possible future. He would have to meditate on it _and_ take into consideration the Council’s decision.

Perhaps one day he would master the courage to look Satine in the eyes and beg her forgiveness.

Perhaps one day he would be able to think of Qui-Gon Jinn without feeling physically sick.

Perhaps one day Anakin Skywalker would bring balance to the Force and prevent the Sith from killing any more beloved Jedi.

**Author's Note:**

> Is there some premonition of _The Lawless_ in there??? Perhaps :)
> 
> If you're interested in similar/related fics I've written, here are some recommendations:
> 
> [ **Jedi Nightmares** ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11469942)
> 
> [ **The Jedi and His Duchess** ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12055947/chapters/27301062)
> 
> [ **The Secret Duke of Mandalore** ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11248554)
> 
> Or pretty much any of my other stuff :)


End file.
